We are living in a moment of extraordinary technological acceleration. Axios recently reported that more than 40 million people are turning to ChatGPT every day for health information—and that’s just health care (Axios, 2026). For families and educators, AI can feel like relief: faster answers, easier planning, more efficiency.
But childhood isn’t meant to be efficient. Childhood is meant to be relational.
That’s why we have to protect the one thing that matters most for children’s lifelong success and well-being—and what no machine can replace: Emotional Intelligence (EI). EI is the set of human skills that helps children recognize emotions, manage them, understand others, and build healthy relationships. It fuels empathy, self-regulation, collaboration, and the kind of critical thinking that makes learning stick.
And we are asking children to grow these skills in a world that’s pulling them away from practicing them. Common Sense Media reports that by age 8, nearly one in four children has their own cellphone (Common Sense Media, 2025). The risk isn’t just screen time. The risk is lost practice: fewer conversations, less play, fewer chances to negotiate, repair, and reconnect.
Now AI is adding a new layer. In October 2025, survey research from the Center for Democracy & Technology (CDT) surfaced a signal we should take seriously: half of students agreed that using AI in class makes them feel less connected to their teacher (Center for Democracy & Technology, 2025). The same research noted effects beyond school as well—students (or a friend of theirs) reported using AI for mental health support, as a “friend or companion,” and as a way to escape from real life. When children begin to replace human back-and-forth with machine back-and-forth, we need to slow down and pay attention.
If you care about children, that should stop you in your tracks.
“We have to protect the one thing that matters most for children’s lifelong success and well-being—and what no machine can replace: Emotional Intelligence.”
Let’s not forget what we already know from child development: children develop within the context of nurturing and supportive relationships. Relationships are the playground where children learn who they are, how to handle disappointment, how to solve problems with others, and how to build a secure and positive sense of self.
In the early years, the brain expects “serve and return” interactions—those simple back-and-forth moments when a child reaches out with a look, a gesture, a word, or a cry, and a caring adult responds (Harvard Center on the Developing Child, n.d.). These moments are not just “sweet.” They shape brain architecture. They build trust, language, and the capacity to manage big feelings.
So when technology starts to replace human back-and-forth—even subtly—we have to be honest about what’s at stake. Not because we are “anti-tech,” but because we are pro-development.
Here is the priority I’m advocating for in the digital age: EI before AI.
This doesn’t mean “no AI.” It means we must make sure children have a strong foundation of emotional competence before we hand them powerful tools that can short-circuit the very skills they are still developing.
Critical thinking, collaboration, self-regulation, and empathy cannot be downloaded. They are built through practice—in real life, with real people.
When AI is used as a shortcut for thinking, it can weaken the muscles of reasoning. That concern is showing up in broader research as well: nationally representative surveys summarized by RAND reported that many students and parents worry that greater AI use will harm students’ critical-thinking skills (RAND Corporation, 2025). In CDT’s survey research, seven in ten teachers worried that AI weakens important skills students need to learn (Center for Democracy & Technology, 2025).
When AI becomes a shortcut for social interaction, it can weaken the muscles of relationship. And when it becomes a shortcut for emotional support, it can quietly pull children away from the very experiences that help them become resilient.
This is where we need adult leadership—especially from the adults who love children and teach children.
The digital environment is shaped by incentives. Tristan Harris and the Center for Humane Technology have helped many of us see how attention-harvesting design can erode focus, weaken relationships, and harm well-being (Center for Humane Technology, n.d.). With generative AI, the pull can feel even stronger because the interaction feels personal—responsive, affirming, always available.
Jonathan Haidt has also urged communities to protect childhood in a digital world, advocating for norms like phone-free schools and delayed access to smartphones and social media (Haidt, n.d.). Whether you agree with every detail, the developmental principle is steady: children need real-world practice with real people.
And early childhood education already has a compass. The NAEYC and Fred Rogers Center remind us that technology should not exclude, diminish, or interfere with children’s healthy communication, social interactions, play, and other developmentally appropriate activities with peers, family members, and teachers (NAEYC & Fred Rogers Center, 2012). Technology can be a tool—but it should never replace the relationships and play that healthy development depends on.
So what does EI before AI look like—not as a slogan, but as a daily practice?
AI can offer shortcuts for information. But there is no shortcut for healthy development—for the growth of a secure self and the ability to form meaningful relationships.
That growth requires adults to engage in meaningful ways with the children in their lives—to model, guide, and teach the skills of emotional intelligence. The tools that help children name feelings, manage impulses, handle disappointment, persist through challenge, and repair relationships.
The encouraging news is this: it’s not too late. EI can be woven into everyday life—in the car ride to school, at the dinner table, in the moment after a conflict, in a classroom meeting, on the playground.
So next time it’s the end of a long day and you’re tempted to turn your child over to a screen or the universe of AI, think twice. Ask: what would build connection right now?
Because AI without a strong foundation of EI creates a structure that will eventually collapse under pressure. So let’s make this our New Year’s resolution—EI before AI. Together, EI before AI promotes connection, confidence, and competence—qualities that matter for children’s lifelong success and well-being in learning and in life.
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